Can You Drive a Segway Drunk?

Posted on January 22, 2013 by the Madd Profit

A Minnesota Court of Appeals today ruled on one of the most pressing issues of our time — can you drive a segway while under the influence? The court held that a person operating a “Segway” is not a driver of a motor vehicle and is not, therefore, subject to the prohibitions of the Minnesota Impaired Driving Code, Minn. Stat. ch. 169A (2010). The case involved Mark Alan Greenman, who was arrested for a DWI for driving his Segway in a street with a blood alcohol concentration of .19. The decision discusses a previous Minnesota decision in which the state’s highest court found that a drunk man on a mobility scooter was not “driving” either. The decision was made by a three judge panel, of which one judge dissented.

State of Minnesota, v. Greenman, Hennepin County District Court, A12-1605 (Jan. 22, 2013)

segway_by_sparkytron-d49jmvy.png

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I Have No Idea What This is But I am Mezmerized By It!

Posted on August 7, 2012 by the Madd Profit

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Prepare Now for the Inevitable Robot Uprising … and Do Not Forget to Purchase Robot Insurance

Posted on May 12, 2012 by the Madd Profit

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Sherlock is Great, Sherlock Holmes Looks Like Shit, and the BBC Shoot Themselves in the Foot Again

Posted on April 27, 2012 by the Madd Profit

So, I just finished watching season 2 (series 2 to you Brits) of Sherlock and it continues to be great television. Sherlock the BBC television series is not to be confused with Sherlock Holmes the Robert Downey Jr. movies. Although admittedly I have not seen the 2009 movie or its sequel, I think they look like standard Hollywood shit. Unlike these movies, the Sherlock television series is a retelling of the Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle stories in a modern day setting. The show focuses on a genius private detective (i.e., Sherlock), which is played by an actor with what must be the most English-sounding name ever devised — Benedict Cumberbatch Dr. Watson is played by Martin Freeman (the Jim character in the British version of The Office and the new Bilbo Baggins), a British veteran recently returned from service in Afghanistan.

BBC television goodness

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Have You Been the Victim of a Cat Attack? If So, Call Lawyer Dog To Get The Justice You Deserve!

Posted on April 25, 2012 by the Madd Profit

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Best Explanation Why Media Companies are Working to Destroy Themselves

Posted on March 2, 2012 by the Madd Profit

The Oatmeal is the shiz-nit!

Also check out his cartoon’s on high school, Apple products, and use of the word literally.

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M – O – N – E – Y

Posted on March 2, 2012 by the Madd Profit



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Time to Make the Santorum

Posted on February 28, 2012 by Checkpoint Charley

Ole Frothy just going to town

Until this jerkoff is publicly humiliated as the bearer of false witness (read: lying motherfucker), hypocrite, sanctimonious prig, home-schooled, socially retarded, lobbyist dick sucking piece of shit abortion that he is, tarred and feathered, ridden out of town on a rail, and sent to slink back into whatever rectum he oozed out of, this gif stays on the front page. You’re welcome.

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Unfortunate Headline of the Day

Posted on January 31, 2012 by the Madd Profit

One of the reasons you should take your time when picking a corporate identity.

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Today’s Lack of Content Brought to You By Idiotic Laws

Posted on January 18, 2012 by the Madd Profit

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National Funeral Committee Wants Tanks, Guns

Posted on December 19, 2011 by the Madd Profit

So, I am reading this article on CNN about the death of Kim Jong Il and sort of floating in the middle of the article is this super-odd quote:

“We should increase the country’s military capability in every way to reliably safeguard the Korean socialist system and the gains of revolution,” the National Funeral Committee said.

WTF? There are so many things messed up about that statement. Admittedly, crazy was always the normal for North Korea.

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Stop Motion History of the World … Guess How It Ends!

Posted on December 8, 2011 by the Madd Profit

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Awesome Juxtaposition of OWS, Holiday Shoppers

Posted on December 3, 2011 by the Madd Profit

Take this truth bomb!

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All You Can Do Is Give That Woodchuck a Tuna Melt!

Posted on December 2, 2011 by the Madd Profit

I just found out about the “Bad Lip-Reading SoundBite” series highlighted recently over at Funny or Die (via BadLipReading.com), which matches video of presidential hopefuls to gibberish (not really that different from real life now that I think of it). Awesomeness abounds as you hear Herman Cain freak out about big potato moths, Rick Perry requesting goats for the computer industry, Ron Paul promising free bananas, or Bachmann discussing proper etiquette for prison parties.

The site also has done the same with a few music videos (see their remake of Michael Bublé’s I Haven’t Met You Yet video into the much catchier Russian Unicorn — also Michael Bublé’s video response).

Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Perry after the jump

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Bloomberg Must Have Gotten an ‘F’ in American History

Posted on November 15, 2011 by the Madd Profit

At a press conference on the recent crackdown to remove the Occupy Wall Street protestors from a park in New York City, Mayor Micheal Bloomberg declared that the first amendment did not give people the right to erect tents in a public space. If I had a time machine, I would like to take Bloomberg back to the Hooverville in Washington D.C. in 1932 and ask Bloomberg to tell the Bonus Army that they were exceeding their right of free speech. I am shocked that the mayor of a major American city doesn’t know enough about history to know that protestor encampments have a long history in this country, including many famous examples.

WWI vets clashing with police in 1932

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